Farewell to all from 'GP & Human' in this personal form. Thank you all so much for your loyal support as you followed my journey; it meant more than I can express.
A smiling facade can mask much pain,
Fear and loneliness often reign,
Do not try to understand,
Just lend an ear or a hand,
This is not something you can mend,
But just be there; be a friend.
I have simply appropriately emotionally responded to life challenges!
So, I am not disappearing in any way and maybe one day, it will be appropriate to wake 'GP and Human' up from its sleep.
I have spent a lifetime trying to be the best person I can be. Yet it's never enough. And, despite best intentions, I keep messing up. I am no good as a mother, wife or doctor. I'm fed up of the futility of trying so hard for nothing. I just want it all to go away. Curl up and hide. Escape. Switch off.
The human battery needs a chance to recharge otherwise the energy can't continue to be used.
So, I can feel hints of what I struggled with before and there is a fear of falling back to that to a degree although I am sure it would never get back to that extreme. But pretty much everything is, and will remain, better than before September.
I am not yet sure exactly when I will reveal my identity, but I now know that I will!
Maybe this is the 'back to normal' that I was yearning for. Life still has many challenges, but this is a new 'normal' that is much more manageable. (And, no....I myself am still not normal!)
So far, so good. I'm now feeling much more optimistic about the future.