Farewell to all from 'GP & Human' in this personal form. Thank you all so much for your loyal support as you followed my journey; it meant more than I can express.
A smiling facade can mask much pain,
Fear and loneliness often reign,
Do not try to understand,
Just lend an ear or a hand,
This is not something you can mend,
But just be there; be a friend.
Such irony that the change that starts a fresh new chapter of my life is today; exactly 1 year on.
I have simply appropriately emotionally responded to life challenges!
So, I am not disappearing in any way and maybe one day, it will be appropriate to wake 'GP and Human' up from its sleep.
I have spent a lifetime trying to be the best person I can be. Yet it's never enough. And, despite best intentions, I keep messing up. I am no good as a mother, wife or doctor. I'm fed up of the futility of trying so hard for nothing. I just want it all to go away. Curl up and hide. Escape. Switch off.
The human battery needs a chance to recharge otherwise the energy can't continue to be used.
The work pattern is back as it was before. So far it is OK. Will it be ongoing? I don't know yet...there's a balance to be struck somehow.
So, I can feel hints of what I struggled with before and there is a fear of falling back to that to a degree although I am sure it would never get back to that extreme. But pretty much everything is, and will remain, better than before September.
So...here goes....no turning back now! This is 'me'... Dr. Kathryn Hayman