Suppression

My mind and sheer exhaustion made me fall.

Writing helped;
Offloading,
Processing thoughts,
Making sense of emotions.

Sharing it publicly helped me;
Unintentional at first,
But doing so with my eyes wide open,
A little scary,
Then pleased to have done so,
It gave me reassurance,
It gave me support.

Sharing it publicly helped others;
People opening up,
Sharing experiences,
Bringing normality to a stigmatised illness,
Questioning if they need to look after themselves more,
Understanding family, friends and acquaintances better than before,
An unexpected advantage.

Benefiting both me and others,
Bringing back a sense of purpose,
Lighting a spark again inside me,
Giving me a chance to thrive on what fulfils me most,
Positivity coming out of a negative situation,
A chance for us all to learn from the experience,
Feeling I can make a difference,
This then feeding my soul,
A wonderful circle of mutual benefit.

Then made to feel I must stop,
Genuine concern for my wellbeing,
Protecting me from potential harm,
Gratitude for this,
Feeling I must follow this advice,
Not coping with the idea of being judged,
Disapproval weighing on my mind.

But now feeling suppressed, lost and flat,
The spark is going out again.

Must I stop?

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